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You can’t keep running away

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I’m riding the bus home, and I think to myself, the struggle. I’m use to the easy life, and until now I’ve never had to be an adult. It’s just so happens a friend of mine rode the bus too, some how we started talking about life.

Good things happen to bad people, I’ll never understand that. This friend started to tell me about foster and group homes, abuse, and being forced to become an adult before she even hit her teenage years. Jane told me how she and her sister were locked in a room for hours by her foster mother, how she tried her best to stay with her sister, how after being in foster homes after a year at age 9, she realized she wasn’t going home to her mom. When she became a teen she ran away 62 times in one year, she didn’t want to be there, who could blame her? When she said she accepted her life and stopped running, it brought tears to my eyes. I felt her pain.

It’s easier to run away from issues, but even harder to stay and look them in the eyes and accept them for what they are.

She’s 20 now, she seems to be doing well, rising above the odds.

What I realized is that everyone has a story and demons haunting them, but there’s always someone who has more to tell and more resisting than you. I need to always remember that.

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Quick song: only human

You say you love me, you make me walk on fire
I always wanted you, but even the best make mistakes
Please see I need you, you are my only place

If you want me then take me, don’t bring me down for the past
If you want to love me then do it, cause I can’t take back my past
I’m human, I’m human, I am human

You told me you would always be there, I never seen us being here
Stuck between hurt and confusion
I’m trying my best to let it go, your mistakes they raptured my soul

If you want me then take me, I’m trying to forgive the past
If you want to love me then do it, but I can’t forget your past. 
I’m human, you’re human, human, only human

If you want me then take me, don’t bring us down because of the past
If you want to love me then do it, cause we can’t take back the past
We’re human, only human. Human, only human

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Oh, So you fancy huh?

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“Oh yeah, that’s me”. It’s so funny when you think about the person you use to be, you think about how you were and how far you’ve come, most people won’t believe it.

I remember back in the day (even though I’m only 18) when people would judge me, the rudest things were said to me only because I didn’t fit in with everyone else. At the time it hurt, I was young and wanted to fit in, but now I give no fucks about what other people think. People spend their entire lives living an unhappy life just to be liked, or to have approval by people who don’t really care. People have the impression that because I’m an independent mind that would rather listen than speak first, that I’m snobby, too good or just plain “boojie”. I’ve been called boojie before, but until today I didn’t really think bout what that meant. So I asked, why am I boojie? I’m down to earth, laid back, I don’t judge, why would anyone think that?

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“Yeah, you boojie.” What? Really? So then I asked, “Why am I boojie?” Apparently because I speak and dress exceptionally well, I’m snobby and too good for others… Hmm, I didn’t know that wanting to have a nice appearance put you in that classification. The more people I meet and the more places I see, I realize that others are way too quick judge, I even do it. It’s human nature.

At the end of the day I don’t care how people perceive me and I’ll most likely keep being me, I just think it’s funny that  I was the ugly duckling, and now people say boojie…

Ha, it’s funny how things change…

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Lost

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I never thought it would go this far so soon, as a matter of fact I was completely sure you were delusional. Somehow, since our first conversation until now, you have made your claimed love in me thrive. I don’t believe in fairytales and I’m surely not looking for my knight in shining armor, that’s bullshit. I know that, but lately you’ve made me wonder if believing in the magic is worth even a second of my time. You have so many things I don’t care for, yet you have even more qualities that I admire. You put me at a loss for words. I always have some sort of clever response to your witty comments, however when you tell me everything any girl would ever want to hear, I’m lost. I don’t know what I’ll do about you, but maybe if one of us can keep believing in the idea of a future, soon we’ll see what it holds for us both.

Maybe it’s time a girl dream…